Verbally Processing with God

So anyone I talked about this adventure with, recommended that I come up with topics to write about BUUUUUT that would involve planning ahead and having some idea of what I'm inspired to write about. Maybe I'll get better at that but since I still feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark, I'm just gonna stick to doing what I do best and winging it.

So guess what? I'M INSPIRED so here I am writting down my thoughts. At least its not at 2 am like last time...

So if you are one of the 5 people that follow any of my social media, first THANK YOU and second you know I have been trying to use this as a way to be accountable to getting out of my house early in the morning for some alone time with God. I would say quiet time but I can't funciton in quiet so there is music playing (usually the Lord of the Rings sound track). Anywho, I was talking with my husband last night and it occured to me that I have been reading more of the Bible and not just reading it as some neat story, but actually FOCUSED reading and seeing truths I've struggled to pay attention too. This is something I have prayed for frequently over the past like 10 years. Please God, let me love your word and not just read it out of some obligation. Let me desire that time with you and settle my mind to see what you want me to see. Well... that didn't happen much of the time. I'd be inspired, start reading, and at some point I would just drop off. I would then go through a very dry season feeling distant from the Lord before crawling back in submission a few months later only to repeat the cycle. I would always feel so guilty and frustrated, like how do I get here? Why can't I get focused? Why don't I love His word the way I'm suppose to? In general, WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR ME?!?!

Well I was in a spiral again when a simulcast thing came up for Pricilla Shirer and I thought "why not?" She's great and the whole thing was inspiring but I really feel like God only took me there to hear one analogy she gave. She was referencing her son who has really bad seasonal allergies and how at one point the doctor looked at her and said "since you know this happens every year, you need to be proactive in preparing what you need instead of coming in once he is already really sick". WOW! Is God merciful and gracious to pull me out of my funk? YES! But also, how am I being proactive during the "on" moments to guard my heart against my tendancy to drift away?

I joined a ladies Bible study on the book of Jeremiah, bound and determined to finish this one (I always have great intentions and then fizzle out). I'm getting so much out of it but the two biggest take aways (thus far) have been...

1. We memorized Jeremiah 15:16 "Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart. For I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts.". THAT has been a scripture I have repeated daily and prayed daily

2. I am a verbal processor. Does got honor my alone time? YES! Am I seeing more of His truth as I practice reading daily? YES! BUT I also get so much from talking through what I'm reading with other women and/or my husband. It comes alive even more when I am in conversation with others.

I think I have wasted a lot of time trying to be the type of person who sits in the quiet, reading His word and having all these deep thoughts about what I'm reading. If I'm realizing anything over the past few months it's that God created me to run my mouth and that's ok. In submission to Him, it is good and beneficial for the body of Christ. It is creating deep intimate relationships with friends who also need to verbally process and even friends that don't but also enjoy talking about God's word. It is creating excitement with my family as I share the things God is teaching me and bounce those ideas and truths off of them. It sharpens my understanding as my understanding is challenged or people provide additional scriptural support for that truth.

All this to say, how great is our God that He created people who get such deep wisdom from just sitting in the word, in their own quiet time and how great is our God that He created others, like me, who want to run their mouth about it. AND how great is He, that He created us to do this life together, sharing all our gifts and talents to sanctify the body of Christ.