All Aboard the Hot Mess Express!

For anyone that has stopped by my empty Facebook page….sorry…I don’t really want to be here. I am a VERY reluctant social media whatever this is. I don’t feel equipped and have absolutely no idea what I’m doing (or even that I really want to for that matter) BUT here I am, doing the internet things because God gave me thoughts at 1:41 AM.

A little about me, I am a 41 year old working, homeschool mom, and wife but most importantly I love Jesus. Very inadequately, I might add but man, do I always hope to be better at it.

I am a hot mess, I’m loud, full of jokes that frequently borderline (or let’s be honest cross the line) inappropriate, I laugh big, love 90’s hip hop, I want and will 100% try to do all the things cuz FOMO and am typically rolling in last minute because I live life on the edge with really poor time management. I am a LOT. I was rebellious and wild before Christ found me but my stories are hilarious (let’s grab coffee sometime). I am a BIG personality, extreme extrovert, and I love to run my mouth (I should clarify, NOT gossip but just lots and lots of words…very loud words). I spent the first several years of my Christian life trying to completely change everything about myself because I was sure it was all sin and all the amazing Christian women around me were so put together, also a lot quieter… like A LOT, A LOT. I generally felt like I was just TOO much at any church I went to and really struggled to find authentic relationships with other women in the church because of it.

Finally, God convinced me to get married after thoroughly enjoying the single life and a couple years into my marriage, my husband got a job as a worship leader at a local church. My 21 year old self was REALLY confused as to how my 32 year old self had gone so far astray from my poorly laid out life goals. My 32 year old self was having an internal crisis because I was not even very good at being the most basic of a good Christian woman now I had to try to be a worship leader’s wife at a brand new church.

So I got to work, getting study after study on the Proverbs 31 woman. I REALLY did try to get my life together, but ya’ll I’m a hot mess! I was completely failing at trying to rein all this in. My husband was and continues to be so grace filled with me. He loves all of my shinanigans and silliness. He never once made me feel like I had to completely gut my personality to be a good Christian women. God was sweet in walking me through some hard seasons, growing me in submission to God and my husband while also allowing me to appreciate the way He created me. My husband continued speaking words of encouragement about how endearing my quirks and sass were, helping me to grow in my knowledge of God’s word, praying with me, crying with me as I struggled to navigate authentic relationships, and most of all being ever so patient as I learned what godly submission was and fought off my pride.

God got a hold of me about finding my identity in Him. I had spent years trying to suppress who God made me so I could be the picture of some meek, mild Christian woman. I’ve also realized that there are more women than we realize faking it till they make it to some picture of a “good Christian woman” that God never called us to. He called us to a lot, He called us to be more like Jesus and there is plenty enough sin to work on without nit picking through every aspect of our personality that doesn’t align with American evangelical ideals of what a good Christian woman is suppose to be. I don’t want our big personalities to be sucked into bad theology just because “at least the people at that church aren’t always judging my really loud laugh and love of Harry Potter.” So God put this on my heart, to walk along side other big personalities in the church, so we can find what IS sin and work on that while also embracing our identity in Christ the way God made us.

I wish I could tell you, I have a plan for this social media adventure, but I don’t even have a well defined plan for tomorrow. I’m winging it, like I typically do but I have perfected the art over the years. God has also been super gracious to give me people that do love all my “a lot” and also love planning things……and also remind me to do the things I was planning on doing. So buckle up, I have no idea where this train is going but we are following Jesus.